Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
