Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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