I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
