just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
