if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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