im drinking this country out of the recession.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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