He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize