so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
