My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
