tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She announced her abortion via fbk
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize