My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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