Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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