I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
