here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey