Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out