Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize