I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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