I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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