Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
