When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
