Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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