Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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