Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
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We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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