Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
