can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
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