her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
