She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
