please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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