I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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