Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
