I seem to have left my pride at pride
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
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I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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