You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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