Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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