Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
