shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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