I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
