he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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