it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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