If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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