dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
40s are totally the cure
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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