Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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