i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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