It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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