i already hear my dad disowning me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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