A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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