Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
