if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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