she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
