I can tuck mytits in my pants
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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