I cockslap morals
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
