to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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