This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
