It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
