Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
