she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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