i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
