I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
