I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
